Long distance relationships suck! I know this. I have done it before. Somehow I decided to put myself through this torturous process once again with double the amount of time away from home. Am I insane?
This is the question Katherina Riesner ponders in this week’s column.
People say long distance relationships are not hard anymore because modern technology provides us with so many ways to stay in touch with our loved ones. Email, Skype, Facebook and countless instant messaging apps for all smart phones… They are undoubtedly an easy and inexpensive way to stay connected to parents, relatives and good friends at home. Every international student can surely attest to that. And yet all of these cannot truly replace ‘real’ interaction with the people you love and miss. But the person with whom this lack becomes most prominent is your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Is every long distance relationship the same? Obviously not, since no ‘close distance’ relationship is the same either. Nevertheless, I would suggest that there are two types of going the distance. For the first one, you leave your home and you know for a fact that you will not see the other person again during the next six months or longer. This is what most international students experience and it is what I have done before. And although it is a terrible feeling to say goodbye to someone for so long, at least you only have to go through it once, which leads to a certain sense of closure.
The second type is the more masochistic one: The travel between the two places is easier and cheaper, which means you get to see each other once a month or every two months. This has obvious benefits but – and that is a big ‘but’ – you keep saying goodbye to each other over and over again. Charles Dickens writes at the beginning of Nicholas Nickleby that “the pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again”; I would strongly disagree. Not only because I feel that the pain and joy are equal here but also because it becomes harder and harder to enjoy the time together, as the next farewell lurks just around the corner. Even though you spend time with each other, it is often tainted with disappointment, sadness and frustration of the upcoming goodbye.
Relationships are hard without being separated by hundreds or even thousands of miles. Communication is always difficult between partners and now you no longer have the luxury of face-to-face interaction. Everyone’s schedule is full and you have to figure out when to meet up again months in advance. This time around I am stuck with type two of the long distance relationship and I am quite unsure if the benefits outweigh the downsides. Still, next time you see people around you flirting, just think of the following: “Distance is not for the fearful, it’s for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.” (Meghan Daum, author of My Misspent Youth).
