It’s my birthday.
In 3 hours.
29 years ago I left my mother’s womb, thanks to the nurse that didn’t allow the abortion. I’m laughing now, but I want to met that woman and give her a hug. A big honest hug.
Anyway I had my time. Three years ago life slapped me. Real hard. A month ago again! …and who knows how many times in the future. But I’m standing still. With the eyes wide open.
Probably the first minutes of my birthday I will be spent on my window. Watching the people passing by on their bicycles. I’ll be listening the songs of the night birds… even they are too loud in the night. Never letting me sleep peacefully. Or, maybe it’s the silence here. I don’t know. But I get used to it. Like so many things here.
I know I’m in Macedonia , a thousand kilometers away with body, trying to find myself and create something, something big… something to be remembered by.
For now temporary, but permanently, who knows. I’m seriously worried. And scared. It’s future.
In these twenty nine years I felt the strongest feeling. I become a mother. Although it’s a biggest present and MY meaning of life, at the same time it’s the strongest pain. And it’s all because of that stupid fate.
I am a fighter. I’ll never give up. I know we will end up together.
I spit on the life so many times. But then I said “fuck it”. It’s supposed to be like that. Just face with it and go on.
My life ended, but a new one begins. And now I’m the leading role. Let’s see how I’ll do my part this time.
Never mind, the silence is my partner for the past three years. It helped me to realize who means to me, and who am I special to.
I have her. She has me. Her love has no charges, but she is able to teach me so many things.
Today, I’ll celebrate her too. I’ll celebrate my daughter, the Love, and love of my friends…you know who you are.
Today I’ll celebrate the existence.
Happy Birthday to me.
Irena Mila is one of the Lundagards photographers.
She studies Biology, and has as previously exhibited works in New Delhi, Belgrad and Štip, Macedonia.
